I was talking to my sister about this yesterday. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer shortly after I got engaged. We were originally going to get married in November of 1980 but as dad began declining we decided to push it to August instead. Luckily we did this as dad passed away November of 1980. Planning the wedding was difficult. The day of my wedding my mother was understandably upset and was crying and kept saying things like everyone was leaving her and she hopes I would never forget her. Of course I promised her I would never forget her nor was I leaving her. And leaving her I never did. I stayed in the same neighborhood as her and we are still here with her. Should I have moved to a different neighborhood back then when Mom was still young and working? My Sister still lived in New York at the time. She moved after I was married two years which really made things difficult for me. Was it guilt that kept me here? I wonder every now and then was this the right choice? The title of this blog is so true...we really need to consider the whole picture when making choices. Im not certain if I did that. I lived in the moment without thinking that Mom would one day be old and I have no family here to help me. Perhaps if I had not stayed so close Mom would have moved with my sister instead. I have moved on and have accepted the reality that there is no other family here to give us breaks. I believe this experience has made me a better parent. My son came to me upset the other day and said Mom, I dont know what to do. His girlfriends birthday is on Mothers Day. I said to him, I never want you to forget me, I never want you to disrespect me and I always want you to love me however I also want to clip the wings. Im not certain this girlfriend will one day be my daughter in law but regardless for now she is very important and I said you must put the love in your life first, not me. I dont ever want him to feel guilt about conducting his life because he is an only child and must worry about me. Some may not agree with me.
Do you ever wonder if you made the right choices that led to your caregiving role?
Depsite the past the main thing is today choosing things that I will be happy with later on. I am very blessed. I have many happy memories. You just cant help wondering sometimes!!