Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Greatest Gift

We all think during this hectic time of year that includes shopping and wrapping that those boxes and gift bags are so important...
Yes, a pretty wrapped gift is fun. I suppose we all enjoy receiving one or two. I will admit I do. I suppose if I was not remembered at all by anyone it would make me sad so of course I do appreciate the fun in opening the paper and appreciation that I received something nice.
I however never define these as the greatest gifts.
My greatest gift is my husband. I was the girl who wore glasses and was most definately not the most popular. A friend showed me a picture of this really cute guy and said I think I want you to meet him. I said, I will definately meet him but he is never going to go out with me in a million years. I remember the first day and how nervous I was. Well, that cute guy saw something in that shy nerdy girl and despite my moms trying to protect me (I think she thought there was no way he was dating me long too as she told me not to get my hopes up after each date lol) we have been together 32 years and married 30. He truly is my gift and dream come true.
My second greatest gift truly is my son. I am honoured to say Im his Mom. He truly was a joy to raise and I call him the best job I will ever have in my life. I never knew a person could feel such love in their hearts for someone.
For me those are my greatest gifts. While opening your boxes this weekend appreciate them but look around you. It isnt the bows, ribbons and things.....its the ones you are with that are the gifts for which you will keep receiving so much joy.
Happy Holidays Everyone.....

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Separating Emotions When Making Decisions

It is amazing how I became the Mom to Mom. I was doing better at letting her go independantly on the little mini van that picks her up at home to take her to a little ladies group or to the beauty salon. When it arrives I escort her on and I know those two locations have reliable people to see her get off as well as sit with her and wait for the return trip. I was really getting used to it until she had her latest episode with her heart. Last week I asked a neighbor to drive her to spend time with her friends. This week they are having a Christmas party and of course she wants to go and she does not want me to ask the neighbor. She wants me to let her go on the van. I know I am making my decision based on emotions. While of course I dont want anything to happen to Mom it also scares me because if something happens it will further complicate my life. I know that sounds selfish. Lets face it however, should she fall or slip and break her hip Im really going to have my job ahead of me. I dont know why Im thinking this way. I know it is ridiculous. I know I am going to draw negative to me just for these horrible visions. I know that something could happen with me there just as it can with her alone. I know all of this. I dont know why Im feeling so concerned to let her go.
I do know that I must. I do know that I will. I do know that all will turn out fine. I do know that I cant fix everything. I do...Im just being truthful when I write it is hard to not hold her hand. I try so hard to protect her. I know things are out of my control. I know this. I take her to the doctor regularly, she has blood work aall the time and the fact her artery was getting blocked was not noticed by anyone is a sure reminder there are things I cannot control.
I must stop being overly protective based on what ifs and emotions. I now know how she felt on my first day of school, or my first date, or whatever she saw me leave her to do with prayers I come home safe. Just like I survived, so will she.