Wednesday, April 7, 2010

If A Relationship Has Meaning Do I Keep Mending The Fences?

I believe in family. I believe in families uniting no matter what!.

Well, at least I want to believe that! I always did believe that! Am I right?

Im beginning to feel lately like I am the only family member that feels this way. My mother had her heart attack two and a half years ago and my sister came once Mom arrived home from her three week hospitalization to help me for which I was grateful. My nephew and his wife drove up from Georgia to help me move a few things here when I broke up Moms home, and my other niece came for a weekend to see Grandma. They have not made the trip since. I along with my husband have orchestrated visits even before Mom came here with us. I must admit, I am getting tired.

Easter came and cards from grandchildren, no phone calls......

I ask myself, why am I bothering? Im here...Im doing the right thing! Why do I care if they keep in touch? Why????
I cannot find the answer....
I suppose I wish they cared as much as I do.
I believe it is fear however...I believe I am trying to keep the glue together for I only have one sister and I think once Mom is gone we may no longer really keep in touch and that makes me sad. I feel if they are not caring for Mom they surely are not going to remember me!!

I always felt family to be important. I tried to lend a hand during many bad times they experienced down there...I tried hard!!! Im not looking for a thank you...I just wonder, are acts of kindness just one sided? Am i being overly sensitive?

I dont know the answers. I do know I am proud of my kind heart, and I know I am doing the right thing....So, do I keep mending fences to keep I leave the hole in the fence and let them crawl through it themselves or do I ignore the broken fence? The only thing I do know for sure is I dont want to throw it away and forget it completely....!!!

Communication is the key to harmonious relationships. I know that!!...I just cannot tell other people what to do!!...Not to mention it would probably cause a huger hole in the fence....

For now I will keep smiling on my end of the fence. I will work hard and try to keep a joyful attitude. I have to keep my side of the fence strong because peeking through the hole will only distract me and the work I was put here to do. Maybe one day others will peek over to my side and understand! So for a little while i will quietly stay on my side and we will see what will be!!!


  1. You have talent! Your words inspired me! I will be 54 this summer. My mom is suffering from Alzheimer's and lives with me and my husband (2 years 24/7). Between us we have seven kids (all married but one) and 12+ grandchildren. Keep writing, I need to read your inspiring words!

  2. We'd all like to think that they will poke their head through the hole and know and understand. Actually one of my sisters guilted herself into looking and came on board to be at least understanding...and occasionally some real help. The other two are thieves and saboteurs and will not admit it. I won't forget their behavior, but it does not stop me from caring for Mom. And I don't sit around stewing about it these days.

    Here's a nice speech from Arthur Miller's classic play "Death of a Salesman" where Willy Loman's wife Linda is chewing out her deadbeat sons to wake up to Willy's deteriorating condition and jump in to help. I'm just happy to know that this play exists. These days, the playwright would know to slant the drama to Willy having dementia/Alzheimer's, but it's got a refreshing old school quality the way it is. People get old and useless, and they'll act strange and forget things. This is the way it's always been. And siblings have abandoned them, made money grabs, and even done them in. Think "King Lear," also.

    Google Death of a Salesman Linda A man like this
    and you'll probably find the quote. I think I lose my message if I go looking for the link.