Saturday, September 25, 2010

Ingredients Of A Perfect Day

Last week Kevin and I dropped Mom off at church bingo and then enjoyed a nice breakfast, a walk in the park and just a little bit of time alone which is rare these days. It was almost time to pick Mom back up and I sadly said, Man, Im 51 years old! When will we be able to pick up and go and stop having to look at our watches? That day I felt the ingredients for a perfect day would be you, me and no watches.

The next day I read a blog a good caregiver friend wrote. Her name also is Donna and she cared for her Mom for many years. Her Mom suffered dementia and it was a very long journey but Donna cared for her right to the very end. Donna gave her Mom so much love despite the fact she no longer recognized her. Donna was so incredibly patient and sacrificed so much for her Mom with absolutely no regrets. This past August her Mom passed away and Donna wrote a fabulous piece on feeling like an adult orphan. How does one heal once Mom is no longer here?

As I was reading the piece I thought to myself, I really need to be careful what I wish for. We sometimes think things will be so much better once our carees are no longer with us. Despite the stress we all face we will never know what it is like to lose them until we are going through it ourselves.

I realized reading that piece that at times I focus way too much on things lost and what I cant do versus appreciating the things I do have. I have to learn to stop asking why as God knows the answer to this queistion. I waste so much time questioning and in doing so I lose out on many beautiful things.

Today we once again dropped Mom off at bingo. We took a beautiful drive way out on Long Island and bought homemade pies and jam and enjoyed country roads. Yes, we did have to keep our eye on our watches as Mom needed to be picked up. Instead of being sad however I was glad for the time we did have together. I am also blessed Mom is still here to enjoy the pie a la mode tonight as well.

It is not always easy but always be careful what you wish for. What you define as the ingredients of a perfect day today could change later on. Make the best of the situation each day. Those to me are the ingredients of a perfecct day.

Thanks to my friend Donna for this reminder.


  1. luv ya New Yorker...excellent piece as always. My watch is still set on Mom time, I have no idea how long that will last. Once I leave the house, even if it is for some fun time, always my reminder flag is flying, "got to get back, got to do this, mom needs this". Monday it will be 6 weeks since she left, I have not been well for about 4 of those I believe, so I think more moments of grief are still to come yet once the coughing and sinus stuff has passed.

    (oh yes, update your profile on here :)

  2. All I can say is there are two very very special Donna's on my blog list. Love to you both xxx