Numbers

I have been thinking lately of all the numbers I have in my mind to remember.

What is todays date?
What is todays temperature? How do I dress and how do I plan my day?
What time is it?
Are there any important celebrations for which i need to acknowledge (dates)
Are there any phone calls I need to make (phone numbers)
Are there any letters I need to write (addresses)
What channel is moms soap net on again? she missed days of our lives yesterday
What was my number code to listen to my voice mail again?
I must type in the prescription numbers to renew moms medicine with cvs
What is Moms access a ride ID # again...I must make an appointment (numbers) to get her hair done tomorrow
I must remember to weigh Mom this week to make sure there isnt a lot of water in her body
What size did you say you needed me to order your housecoat in
How many pancakes do you want Mom?
How much money do we need to take out of the bank for groceries this week
Mom reminding me that despite my being 51 and she being 91 it is just a number


Numbers, Numbers, Numbers!!!!!.......The main number to remember is 1!!!! We caregivers are all Number One!! Shout it Out!!....
We have so much to remember but we always seem to get it all done and remember each and everyone of them.........
I probably forgot to list some numbers however ...... feel free to remind me of anything I did not mention..........

Reactions

I sometimes feel I have to change the way I react to things especially when it comes to my Mother. A few weeks ago she was pouring boiling water into a coffee mug to have tea but her eyesight is so poor and she did not see the water spilling all over the place. I was so concerned that she not burn herself and I said Mom, you need me to do that for you I think but I said it rather harshly. I dont do it to hurt her feelings, it truly is so that she wont get hurt. It is so hard as I dont want to always make her feel like she is being reprimanded. I know at times my reaction causes her more stress. I thought about the word react and once you unscramble the letters you will see four of them create care. The only reason I am reacting the way I am is because I care. I must unscramble my mind like I did the word and realize kind actions and not excited words would serve me better....I will learn to lower my voice and speak calmer when these mishaps happen....wish me luck!!!!!!

Coloring Inside The Lines

I would definately not define myself as a perfect person as I honestly know I am far from it. I in the past have purchased things I did not need nor could afford just because I had to have them, Im sure I ate things I knew were not good choices and most definately I have said things for which I should have thought twice about.

On the other hand I cannot really do anything wrong. Im the type of person that while at the grocery store if I change my mind and decide I dont want to purchase an item in my cart I just cant lay it anywhere. I must return it to the correct spot. I cannot leave the shopping cart anywhere in the parking lot, I must walk it to the corral which is usually far away from our parking space but still put it away. I really do try to do the right thing even when I dont necessarily have to. Solicitors call while we are eating dinner and I just cant hang up, I listen for a few seconds and then politely interrupt and say thank you for calling but we really are not interested and then hang up. I guess this was how I was raised. I was raised with manners and rules.. Mom always said my house, my rules.

When I watch small children coloring it makes me crazy if they just scribble their crayons on the paper. I so want to guide their hands and teach them to color within the lines. I dont as they have to learn on their own and all I can do is try to set the example for others to follow.

Is this a fun way of living? Is it worth it to always be honest?

I think so. I wish we could spread the word and just try to get everyone to realize their are rules in life. Sometimes we have to color inside the lines to have a more sane life.

So will I never again eat something I shouldnt, of course not. Will I never again say something I shouldnt, of course not!! Am I an honest person, of course I am and Im very proud of it. Thanks Mom and Dad. Im very grateful for the lessons you taught. Coloring inside the lines does not make you boring believe me!!! While Im quite neat, orderly and disciplined I still am quite colorful.

Getting My Discipline Muscles Strengthened

I am a believer that we all must work hard and think about making healthy and happy choices because doing so will help us in all aspects of our life later on. Is it always easy to do? Definately not. It takes a lot of discipline and hard work. Do I always feel like working out?, NO! Do I always feel like eating and cooking healthy?, NO! Sometimes do I just feel like going to the mall and buying something I dont need just because I want to? YES. Every day I work on strengthening my discipline muscle. I want them to get stronger and stronger every single day. It is definately a challenge to do what is right. We sometimes eat or buy things we really deep down did not want or need out of boredom or sadness or loneliness in the hope to brighten our days but afterwards it can make us feel worse in the long run. It is fine to treat ourselves. I believe we all must do that from time to time. We must do it for the correct reasons however. I am cleaning out closets and drawers in my home every day this week. Im throwing out the clutter with the knowledge that having a peaceful environment will make me much happier than had I jammed one more thing in that was not needed. I will then applaud my work and make a pedicure appointment. A small treat that will keep the calm feeling within me to work out my discipline muscles again next week.

Am I A Princess

Mom and I were sitting outside enjoying a nice Summer morning today. My neighbor next door babysits her two small grandchildren while her daughter and son in law go to work. She looked so tired and drained and I commented to her that I hope she can find a little time to take care of herself. She went into the house and came out a few minutes later with a wagon full of laundry on her way to the laundromat as she is not allowed to have a washer and dryer in her apartment. The poor thing was lugging the heavy load down the block wearing the same clothes for which she had on yesterday probably to save herself work. Wear it as long as you can versus lugging it. I said to my mother I feel very badly for Debbie. She and her husband do not own a car. Im not certain if it is because they cannot afford one or perhaps they dont want one but they grocery shop with the same cart as the laundry. I said to Mom. She really must think Im a Princess. Here I am sitting in a different tshirt and shorts than yesterday out here reading womans day books and there she is so exhausted. It really made me very blessed for everything that I have in my life. I dont think Im a Princess. Am I a Princess?

Keeping The Gas Tank From Ever Reaching Empty

My husband is notorious for waiting until the car is almost registering the gas tank is empty before going to the gas station. I get anxiety when he does this. I dont understand this at all, it is not good for the car and it truly stresses me.
It reminded me that it is just as important to keep my gas tank full at all times as well. Dont wait until your thirty to drink, sip all day. Dont wait until your starving to eat, have something every few hours. Dont let your bodies go to empty. We cannot run ourselves down as just like the car engine we will suffer when waiting to be filled.
Ive been hearing that people are living to be 106-107. Some people would say, wow that is wonderful. When your the caregiver you think both wonderful and dread. I say dread respectfully because its hard for me to even imagine sharing my space for 15 or 16 more years. Not to mention that would make me 67-68 myself. I have to be sure to enjoy the journey. I have to be sure to enjoy my ride. I have to be sure to keep my engine running smoothly. Ready set, go, join me!! Start those engines. We dont know how many years we will be on this journey but at least we can try to make it a happy ride.

The Face You See Is The Real Deal

I love the fact I am getting older and in about six weeks or so will be 51!! Yippee!!...It is wonderful up here world. Im finally at the point where I can be the real me!! Take me or leave me but this is the real deal. Blogging opens your heart and lets you freely write your story. I had so much anxiety when I was younger and it is refreshing to talk about it and let the world know Im not yet where I want to be but am sure glad Im not where I used to be. Its not easy when you live an invented life. You always have to be an actor. I always felt like I had to impress everyone. Im so grateful that is so not necessary. Youth really is wasted on the young. I spent so much time,energy and money doing things to just feel like I fit in. Stuff doesnt make you fit in if you are unfit inside. Im so happy that I love this person I am. I appreciate all I have and when feeling this way Im not resentful. When your at peace it is easier to make better choices all around. It is when we are resentful that we act out poorly and do things in the hopes of feeling better but in reality are just making things worse.. things will never bring happiness until we are healthy within. Sacrificing brings a lifetime of blessings ....it truly does. So I am now wearing a happier face.....what your seeing is the real deal....I can now go out and walk the dog without makeup and hair done...who cares...however Im still proud of the days when I have the perfect hairdo and makeup....but it is for my happiness only...not for anyone else....
Yippee!!!!