Always Go With Your Gut Feelings

It has been one roller coaster of a week here for me. I have noticed now and then the past few weeks that my mom just did not seem right to me. I could not quite put my finger on what was bothering me about her but my gut just told me something was not right. Well, Tuesday morning she woke up a little earlier than usual and said she had chest pain and could I give her an aspirin. I immediately did give her the aspirin and I put her in the recliner to rest while I quickly showered. When I came out I asked her how she felt and she said it was a bit better however the pain was still there. I calmly said well Mom, Im sure it is gas but the Thanksgiving holiday is here in two days and I think it best we just clear out minds and Im calling 911 to take you to the hospital. She of course protested but I inisisted as my gut was telling me something was wrong. I dressed her, called her cardiologist to make him aware of my plans and then dialed 911. Long story short as soon as the cardiologist got the fax from the emergency room of moms cardiogram he called my cellphone to inform me that 2:00 that afternoon he was going to perform a catheterization and see what was going on. What was going on turned out that she had another blockage in her right artery this time. It was 99% blocked and he put a new stent in that day. Her doctor told me good catch...she was weeks away from a major heart attack. The crazy thing about this story is November 21, 2007 is when she had her first stent and here November 23, 2010 she had another one..three years later. She was kept overnight and came home yesterday. We were supposed to go to my inlaws for Thanksgiving so Idid not have any ot the fixings in the house but ran to the store immediately once she was settled home and got everthing in. I made her the traditional Thanksgiving and while it was just my husband, mom and myself it was a wonderful, calm and restful day. Our guts are filled with good food now and grateful I listened to it on Tuesday.

Eliminating Guilt

When my son was young and we were raising him I always had a rule with my husband. We had to try our best every once in a while to get a baby sitter and go out to either a movie or dinner or even just a cup of coffee. I always believed that it was important to keep our relationship and interests strong as one day Sean would grow up and we would still need to have common interests.

Sean is now grown and Kevin and I have common interests for which Im grateful. I am finding it harder however to not feel guilty picking up and going to dinner and leaving Mom all alone in the recliner. When Sean was small and we left him for a while he anticipated happily going to the aunts or uncles or grandmas house while mom and dad were away. Mom sits all alone when I leave. That makes me feel incredibly guilty and sad.

Kevin is so great about all of this. In my heart I know I am a good daughter and do lots of things with Mom. I must push myself to take the time with Kevin as I know Mom will be absolutely fine. We all need separation from one another from time to time. We all cannot be together every second of the day.

I invited Kevin to a movie tomorrow night and perhaps a burger afterwards. Date night. I will be sure Mom has dinner before we leave and I promised her we will take her to church Sunday and breakfast afterwards. Compromise I hope will help me enjoy the movie and not feel guilty leaving her all alone. Wish me luck!!!

Things Change, Nothing Stays The Same

I have been thinking lately how things are constantly changing in my life. I grew up, met my husband, got married, had my son, watched him grow, saw my dad get sick and then died, see my mom age and move in. We lose loved ones and then others are born to take their place. Some days are wonderful and then there are times where we feel there is a dark cloud hanging over our heads. Somehow throughout all of these changes we survive. We make it.

When things are going badly or upsetting me I try hard to remember this concept. Nothing stays the same. Whatever I am experiencing right now will not be forever. Nothing is. When things are going wonderful I dont take them for granted either as the same can be true for happiness. Embrace it, appreciate it, be grateful but never take it for granted.

I do believe in positive thinking. I believe in order to have a happy future we must do our best to take care of our current life. I try to stay healthy, and pay down debts. In some instances we do have choices for our future. I know my behaviour at times can hurt me more than help the future. If we live long enough we all are going to be faced with the future.

There are however things that we would never plan in a million years but must deal with. We wake up each day and hope for the best. We ask for strength to get through hard days. We look for opportunities to smile every chance we get.

Things change, nothing stays the same. That is life. Lets all just try to enjoy the ride.